I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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