NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
