who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
