yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
