my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
