There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dicks are not precious.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
