We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
