im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
