I cockslap morals
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We need to get me chipped asap
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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