He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love having hate sex.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
