I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
