ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
