We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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