my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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