I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
