her vagine was all disorganized.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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