I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
