i barfeds in our rink
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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