Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
