My nipple is on Facebook.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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