is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
