i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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