You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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