I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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