also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
