Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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