Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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