You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
