The maid of honor just puked.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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