Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
