i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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