I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
