apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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