the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
