dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
