Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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