Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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