I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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