"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
