Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So here I am, sexting at work.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
