Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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