Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
