he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
