do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have feelings that need drinking.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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