This is not my ceiling
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I will pee on everything he values.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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