just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
