i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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