I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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