I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
