Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
