Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
