I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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